Events of 2008:Wednesday 2nd January 2008
While wandering around the Richard Nixon library and museum in Yorba Linda in Orange County, California, I couldn't help but notice a full space suit on display in the NASA section of the museum. These suits were designed by NASA to withstand temperatures of close to absolute zero, and also to deal with extreme re-entry heat. They had to be airtight and waterproof, for obvious reasons, and they had to withstand pressures in excess of 10Gs. However, if I simply touch it with my hand, it will fall apart. Wednesday 13th February 2008Recently, through a series of random incidents (analogous to losing a bet, for instance), I have had vegetarianism thrust upon me - I would be a vegan, but I need milk in my cereal, and that soy crap is convincing no one. There are a bunch of "reasons" why people would want to be vegetarian (moral reasons, dietary reasons, animal rights, teenage rebellion, certain strains of youth culture, etc), but nothing even remotely intellectually satisfying, so we are left with the terrible conclusion that I'm doing it for the lulz. In my travels through the barren nutritional wasteland of vegetarianism, I have discovered tofu. No matter where you go, there it is, mocking me in white lumps, pretending to be tasty, but in reality stealing the flavour of anything you put close to it, like a parasite, a leech. Tofu is the cuckoo of foods. Previously, my only exposure to this madness was Miso soup, supplied automatically in Japanese restaurants whether desired or not. I noticed, over the years, that I liked Miso soup except for the little bland soft icky white chunks, which I remove with the little spoon/ladle thing they give you to punish your gwailo inability to use chopsticks. As it turns out, these icky chunks are tofu. Efforts have been made to fashion tofu into something edible, or it least to disguise it with flavourings and screwing with the texture. These efforts have had mixed results. I can confirm that the vegan-friendly tofu ice cream is really good. I can also confirm that the tofu-based taco "meat" sold in Ralph's is also really good, although heavy spicing may be masking the root problem. There are tofu sausages which are seven different types of awful - it seems that blocks of tofu were coloured and fashioned into the shape of sausages without any effort to render the flavour or consistency. Recently I had some meat. Not much, but a little bit. "Would you like some more?", I was asked. "No thanks," I replied, "I'm a vegetarian." Saturday 5th July 2008After spending eighteen hours either thousands of miles in the air or hanging around airports looking at unoriginal t-shirts emblazoned with the names of American cities in large capital letters, we came back to Ireland for a short holiday. As the pilot dipped the pointy metal tube of certain death into Shannon, there were at least six discrete layers of clouds to punch through. There were fluffy clouds; foggy clouds; straight clouds; flat clouds; lumpy couds; entire cloud banks that looked like a stormy ocean scene, complete with sea-bashed boats; strange, mal-formed giants rolling around in some cloudy ball pool of the gods; and of course, Macavity the Mystery Cloud. In California, it's not uncommon for the sky to be completely cloudless for weeks on end. Sometimes a single cloud might appear close to the horizon, and sheepishly scurry away once you've spotted it, in the manner of someone who has just discovered he's at the wrong funeral and has to step across five mourners before reaching the escape aisle. Hot weather doesn't suit me at all, and it's been solidly over-thirty degrees in Riverside County for the last few weeks, so it was nice to get away from that. For the first time in a long time, parts of me felt cold. I had forgotten what that felt like. Wednesday 5th November 2008Election night chez moi. Chips, avocado dip, three two-litre bottles of Coke and the remote control. An act of savage and brutal self-control means that I don't even turn on the television until 5 p.m., when the first results come rolling in. I am prepared for the long-haul, and to stay up all night if necessary. These notes were made live, and not in retrospect: 5:00 - I turn on msnbc to see that Pennsylvania has just been called for Obama. Although Pennsylvania always votes Democrat, the analysts regard this as significant, and the McCain campaign people seem disappointed. Still, everything's going according to the plan. However, ominous silent footage of teams of lawyers examining ballots in Florida does not bode well. Is West Palm Beach the new Miami Dade? And what the hell is wrong with the people who design the ballots in Florida? 5:30 - Someone in a heavily-CGIed room informs us that of the white voters in North Carolina who said that race was a factor in their vote, 30% of voted for Obama. What the hell does that mean? That over a third of the white race-voters voted for Obama because he's black? This election is already defying logic. The coverage hops to Grant Park in Chicago where thousands of people are streaming in to watch Obama win. There is a genuine sense here that the carnival of shit might actually be coming to an end. 6:00 - All the middle states are too close to call, as is Florida, where ballot problems continue. However, it's looking like Obama might take Virginia and North Carolina, which would mean that the American Civil War is finally over. 6:20 - The first red state flipped to blue is Ohio. This was here all the drama happened in 2004, with dark mutterings about Karl Rove personally jamming a screwdriver into voting machines. Whatever. It's done now. Aloha Ohio Obama. The addition of Ohio's 20 electoral college votes (ECVs) means that he's on a total of 195 compared to McCain's 85, although this is before many traditional red states come in. However, we can reasonably assume that Obama is going to carry California, which has the highest number of ECVs at 55, which would give him 250 ECVs. He only needs 270 ECVs to win the election. This could be over the second Florida declares. They're more or less 50/50 in Florida right now, but Miami Dade (ohnoes!) hasn't come in yet, and that's traditionally Democrat. 6:37 - Keith Olbermann is declaring Obama the winner even without Florida, on the basis of Washington + Oregon + California + Hawaii (one would hope) + his existing 200 ECVs = 273. While he's saying this, New Mexico comes in for the Democrats. I've never seen blue so close to Texas before. Jesus Christ - Obama might actually be able to do this even without California... 7:00 - I can't take any more of this. My nerves are frayed. I decide to watch The Daily Show's one hour special to take my mind off the more serious aspects of the thing. However as this is a special live show, they keep giving state-by-state updates. Iowa comes in for the Democrats, representing another flip. Jon Stewart comments: "You'd think people enthralled by watching corn grow would vote for McCain." 7:30 - Bradley Effect denied during exit polls. 8:00 - Back to msnbc. While I was in the bathroom, California, Oregon and Washington state came in for Obama, giving him a total of 284 ECVs and the presidency. Huge sighs of relief from objective news anchors. Rachel Maddow and Rep. John Lewis start crying. No one rushes to hug them. 8:15 - Fuck me. Colorado comes in for Obama. 8:18 - Florida comes in for Obama. This is starting to look like a landslide. It's 333 ECVs to 146 at the moment. 8:25 - John McCain delivers his concession speech. His gracious and good-hearted speech is frequently interrupted by jeers from the crowd whenever he makes a positive comment about Obama or Biden. This is disappointing. 8:30 - Throng gathers outside White House. They are a noisy bunch of people. This is Washington D.C. The mood could turn ugly at any moment. 8:35 - Rep. John Lewis is still emotional. It's a wonderful thing to see - he talks about his time as a child in Georgia, and seeing signs like "White People Only", and when people like himself were regarded as second-class citizens. And now one of them's running the joint. 8:40 - Nevada comes in for Obama. 9:00 - I go to sleep.
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