First on the friends list is of course my wife, with whom I am so friendly that we share a doctor. Her name is Nadia and she is from Los Angeles. Or as she would say "Los Angeles". Now I come to read back on that, you're really missing the full effect of the accent, so you should really call me and get her to say something.

The full story of the marriage and its attendant facts and figures lies elsewhere on this site. And when I say "full" I mean "annoyingly scant".

This is my friend Daniel and his female companion Melibu (not her real name). He is a computer research technician. In other words, he's unemployed. At the moment he's teaching in Abu Dhabi. Or possibly Dubai. One of those two. Or Dar-Es-Salaam. I'm pretty sure it's full of Arabs and starts with a 'D'. His site has some uncensored photos.

This is my friend Kevin, who lives underground in a top secret nuclear physics research institute attached to Oxford University. Instead of getting a job, he did experiments with lasers (also underground) in Vienna. You'll find a hilarious account of our time in Vienna with Kevin in my 2004 diary.

We once spent an entire summer trying to kill the second-stage boss of Diablo II, a tricksy little number called Duriel. Sure, he's quick on the pins and packs a mighty punch, but even he cannot argue with the power of Shield Bash!

This is my wife's sister, who is called Korinna, who is called June, who is crazy. And not crazy in the good way. No - crazy in the bad way. I have a feeling, ironically, that she will be my best bet at staying sane in the sprawling den of madness that is Los Angeles. She likes taking photographs and painting pictures, and she also made a line of jewellery which sold very well in my shop.

She has a cat that mounts the keyboard every time you try to type something.

This is a friend of mine called Killian. As you can see, he's carrying an amp and a hard drive bay. This was taken during my last day at the house and Killian was helping me get rid of some stuff. Killian has a brother Pete, whom I have known for longer, but I can't for the life of me find a picture of him anywhere. I owe him money though, so I expect he'll pop out of the woodwork eventually.

This is my cousin Catherine, but we're more like friends, which is why I put her in here instead of the non-existent Family page. I'm not sure exactly what relation she is to me, but our grandfathers were brothers or something. At the moment, she's working in Dublin as a lapdancer. Or a lawyer. I always get those two mixed up.